What LEGOs Has Taught Me About Creating Change.

I really enjoy LEGOs. There is a wonderful picture on the box that promises something magical, and once I start a build, I can disappear into it for hours.

As the New Year arrives, I hear a lot of hope for grand changes in the lives of people around me. People make elaborate plans for changes in health, finances, and relationships, often trying to improve all of these areas at the same time. Listening to those conversations, I could not help but reflect on some of the lessons building LEGOs has taught me about creating change, dealing with disappointment, rebounding from missteps, being flexible, and the many things you learn along the way without realizing it.

The Messy Beginning of Creation

Let me say this from the start. I support people’s efforts toward self-improvement. I am in the business of therapy, after all. But change and creation bring messiness.

Everything meaningful starts in a place that looks nothing like the end result.

When you open a LEGOs box, what is inside bears no resemblance to the picture on the front. Pieces are scattered in labeled bags. There is a large manual with pictures of unfamiliar parts and steps that do not yet make sense. I often think to myself, is this really what I just paid all this money for?

If I did not trust the process, I might doubt my ability to create anything close to what is displayed on the box.

Change works the same way.

People often believe that once they know what they want, action should follow naturally. But insight without structure rarely leads to sustainable change. Without support and pacing, the mess can quickly feel overwhelming, and many people quit before anything solid has a chance to form.

This is why making change requires more than motivation or equipment. It requires education and guidance i.e. the LEGOs manual. That guidance can be found in many places. Honestly, this may sound old-fashioned, but it can be found in libraries, in books written by people who have spent their lives studying their fields. It can be found with doctors and in dedicated community organizations.

It is probably not found at the depth needed for real manifestation on TikTok or Instagram. Those are places where sound bites live, not where peer-reviewed, expert guidance tends to reside. If you want to get somewhere, you need to understand how to get there.

Messy Is Not the Same as Chaotic

LEGOs give you a few options as a builder.

You can open all the bags at once, spread everything out, toss the manual aside, and start improvising. Manuals are for suckers, right?

Or

You can carefully review the instructions, open one bag at a time, sort the pieces, and follow the steps in the manual exactly as they are laid out.

Or you can do some combination of the two.

Each approach has consequences in terms of time, emotional toll, frustration, and satisfaction. It really depends on the kind of experience you want to have.

Regardless of your building style, LEGOs demonstrate that we construct every structure piece by piece.

The same is true for the changes and creations we are trying to bring into our lives. The difference is that personal change happens while life keeps moving. Bills still need to be paid. Jobs still require attention. Relationships, health, stress, time, and energy all matter.

This is where the distinction between mess and chaos becomes important.

Messy is unfinished, unclear, and evolving. Messy is part of creation.

Chaotic is overwhelming, unsafe, and dysregulating. Chaos happens when the nervous system does not feel supported.

When seeking change in the process of creating something, therapy helps people have grace for the human responses that are a part of the change and creative processes. Uncomfortable messy spaces cannot be eliminated in this process, but therapy contributes to stability so the mess does not turn into chaos, regardless of your building style.

Manifestation Requires More Than Just Wanting

There are moments during a LEGOs build when the manual instructs me to assemble something that looks nothing like the final structure. I often find myself thinking, how are these strange rectangular pieces supposed to turn into a dog’s face?

If I keep going, I eventually realize that the odd-looking structure was part of the foundation for the final design. Someone clearly knew what they were doing.

Manifestation works the same way.

Creating change requires more than desire or positive thinking. It requires faith in direction and the ability to hold an image or idea in your mind over time. Not just when inspiration is high, but when things feel slow, uncomfortable, or uncertain.

When what you are creating has not yet taken shape and you are still laying the foundation, it takes discipline, courage, and fortitude to keep going. Many people struggle not because they lack vision, but because holding that vision while living in the messy middle is emotionally demanding. The messy middle often triggers doubt and exhaustion, and occasionally it feels very isolated.

This is one of the quiet roles therapy plays.

In LEGOs terms, therapy helps you keep the picture on the box in view while you work through the scattered pieces on the floor. Therapists help people hold the image of what they are trying to create when fear, doubt, or old patterns interfere. They help pace the process so the nervous system can tolerate it. They help people repair instead of quit when something collapses.

Therapists collaborate with people as they move through the process of letting go of what was and accepting the uncertainty of what is becoming. Because with all change and creation comes loss of the familiar and the acquisition of new norms.

Therapy is a powerful tool in this process, in part because people are far more complex than LEGOs. (I know you know that; I’m just saying…)

Change Cannot Be About Escaping Yourself

Sustainable change has to start with some level of liking and accepting who you are right now.

If change is driven by a desire to get away from yourself, the process becomes harsh and urgent. The process becomes punishing instead of supportive. Change rooted in self-respect allows for pacing. It acknowledges reality instead of fighting it.

This is where addressing blocking beliefs and trauma patterns becomes essential. Without that work, even realistic goals can feel threatening. Believing in your goal also requires believing that you deserve the outcome and can tolerate the changes that come with it.

If your body has been physically or sexually abused, or if it has long been treated with criticism or neglect, it can be difficult to accept that small changes like drinking more water or getting adequate sleep are meaningful first steps to a healthier you. You might not understand why, after losing a few pounds, intense cravings suddenly appear. You might stop exercising when your body does not look different, even though you feel better.

Without insight and support, these kinds of reactions to efforts to change could feel like failure instead of emotional and psychological defenses at play, maybe responding to a part of your life that doesn’t even exist anymore.

Building Within the Life You Have

I mentioned that I can get lost in a build, but isolating and focusing solely on creating change in your life is unrealistic. Therapy often helps people slow down enough to build within the life they actually have, not the one they wish they could pause.

It helps people account for real constraints, including time, energy, finances, and responsibilities. It supports setting expectations that match actual capacity rather than an idealized version of themselves. It helps people stay grounded while working toward something new and hold compassion for themselves throughout the process instead of relying on self-criticism.

Change is not just about vision. It is about integration.

Therapy Is One Tool, Not the Only One

Therapy is not the only tool to support efforts to create sustainable change, nor should it be.

Family and community with like-minded people can provide connection and encouragement. Spiritual and mindfulness practices can provide grounding and meaning and bolster your stamina for the long journey of change. For people who struggle to access those supports, therapy can help identify and move through the barriers that make connection difficult in the first place. Why white-knuckle the process of change alone? Take the hand.

One Step at a Time

As you begin the execution of your plans for whatever you plan to manifest in this new year, bow to the wisdom of one of our first toys, LEGOs. Some of the most complex LEGOs structures are built one small piece at a time. Real change works the same way.

If you feel lost, discouraged, or overwhelmed while trying to create something new, it does not mean you are failing. It may mean you are in the middle of building. Remember, you are complex and unique, and you deserve grace as you create.

LEGOs do not rush the build.

Neither should you.

You don’t have to do it alone. I am here!